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Yom Kippur: on forgiving vs. forgetting

Written by Keith Zakheim |

Check out this story on NorthJersey.com

THE Jewish High Holidays, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, which begins today at sundown, are separated by the “Ten Days of Repentance.” Jewish tradition teaches that while God can forgive the sins between man and God, he cannot forgive the sins committed between people. Penance for grievances between people can be achieved only by begging for forgiveness from your fellow man and then reciprocating.

Considered in this light, Colombian voters’ overwhelming rejection last week of the peace deal President Juan Santos negotiated with the FARC guerilla group is less surprising than it seems.

After nearly 50 years of internecine war, strife and bloodshed, Santos’ initiative was so bold and unexpected that he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts. But, despite the international hosannas, the Colombian populace — those who have the most to gain from this peace — summarily rejected the agreement in a referendum.

Post-referendum polls reported that Colombians rejected the deal because they were unwilling to extend forgiveness to their tormenters. It wasn’t the terms of the deal that offended Colombian voters, it was the morality undergirding it. It would seem that for Colombians, forgiveness is synonymous with forgetting. The trauma of the long war with the FARC is burned so deep into the national consciousness that both looked like betrayal.

The process of forgiveness

The Colombian example is instructive for all governments seeking to salve the wounds of generational hatreds. Even assuming that most people are inclined toward peace, they cannot make the imaginative leap into peaceful coexistence unless they are guided by their leaders through a process of forgiveness.

The stewards of the Israel-Palestinian conflict, for example, should take heed of the Colombian example. In the years since the Oslo Accords, lip service has been paid to the merits of peace, and real action has been taken: land withdrawals, disarmament and economic cooperation.

Unfortunately, these gestures toward peace have usually been followed by new conflagrations of violence. Cynics will contend that the reason for the “one step forward, two steps back” paradigm is a lack of commitment. Recent events in Colombia, however, suggest that it is possible for people to value peace as an end goal but fear its consummation because of the inherent demand for forgiveness.

So what can governments do to bring their constituents to a place where they can forgive first and make peace second?

Forgiveness is not simple — not in the asking and not in the granting. Judaism recognizes this and provides the “Ten Days of Repentance” as an opportunity to motivate and inspire people to overcome anger, pride, and wounds. Judaism doesn’t demand forgiveness. It gently prods us to a place where we are willing to let go of grievances and free ourselves of the baggage of hate even as we forgive others their inequity.

Those in the peace business — governments, the United Nations — must keep this in mind. And while Alexander Pope is right that “to err is human, to forgive divine,” it bears remembering that we are not divine, and if we are expected to emulate God in forgiving, then our leaders need to educate and steer us in that direction before they ask us to forgive and forget.